months. I swear to god, the next person that tells me a story about how their sister-in-laws, best friends, brothers girlfriend who had been trying for years and then as soon as they “just relaxed” got pregnant… seriously!
Don’t get me wrong, I am happy when I hear success stories but this month, I am OVER IT! I am so sick of hearing “just relax” or “go on holiday, that’s how we got pregnant”. Yes, we have unexplained infertility which means, technically, there is nothing wrong but that’s does not mean that “just relaxing” is going to help us.
Every time someone asks us “When are you guys going to have kids?” a little crack appears in my facade. I know people mean well but they have no idea how much this question hurts me. Hurts us. If there is one thing I have learnt throughout this ordeal is that I will NEVER ask a newly married couple, in fact ANY couple, when they are planning to have children. Someone else’s baby plans are none of my damn business.
Every time someone tells us “You will know what it’s like when you have children of your own” a little piece of my mask falls away. I realise children are a big responsibility, I realise they are hard work. That doesn’t mean that it makes me want one any less. I have had more time than you to think about the responsibilities of having a child. I have read every book I could find, I know what to expect. I don’t have some unrealistic view of what it will be like. I don’t think my child will be perfect, but when they arrive – they will be mine. And I will love them with all my heart.
Every time someone tells us “at least you can sleep in on Sundays!” a little piece of my heart chips off. I don’t want to sleep in, I actually WANT to be woken by the soft cries of a baby or the pitter-patter of a small child feet as they run into our room every morning.
Every time a pregnant woman complains about her pregnancy, a little piece of me crumbles. You have no idea how much I want your weight gain, your swollen feet, your sore back. It would beat the monthly tears and heartache every time AF shows up. I would gladly toss my cookies each morning if it meant I would have a baby to hold at the end of those 9 months.
Every time someone says “It could be worse you know” I want to punch them in the face. Like our struggle with fertility is somehow a ‘lesser evil’. I know its wrong to have that reaction but who are you to put our pain below something else? Who decided you were the shot caller when it comes to the grief scale? Who put you in charge of the pain-o-meter?
And one time, someone told me “maybe you aren’t meant to be parents”. I actually broke down in tears at this comment. Fuck you. That’s all I have to say to that. Fuck. You.
I have said it before, and I will say it again.
Infertility is a Bitch.
Unexplained Infertility is more of a Bitch.
You are me. I feel every bit of your pain. We are in Month 2 of ttc after our 3rd miscarriage. After 3 positive pregnancy tests. 3 rounds of feeling nervous but so excited. And 3 horrific, traumatic miscarriages. Month one after uterine septum surgery was a big fat fail. Nothing happened. No symptoms and a BIG FAT NEGATIVE. this month I am cd29 ( usually a 28 day cycle except for last month when af decided to wait 2 days to get my hopes up then arrived anyway). Cd 29 so still have to wait 2 days just to see if I’m actually late. If we even get past that hurdle it then becomes the wait and see if I can get past the 8 week mark. Never made it that far yet. This sucks.
Im so sorry to hear that you are going through all that. Baby dust to you xx