Last month we decided to try our luck with an IUI. That was… Interesting..
You might have read what an IUI is in my post “Fertility Abbreviations” but just in case you haven’t – IUI stands for Intra Uterine Insemination and its basically turkey basting.
Your partner gives a sperm sample, the clinic ‘washes’ it to get the best swimmers and then deposits it into the females uterus via a syringe like contraption.
Once we had made the decision to give the IUI a try, I rung the clinic and they told me I had to ring back on day 1 of my cycle. I don’t think I have ever wished Aunt Flow to arrive harder than I did in that next week! I was actually happy to see it show up!
So I cheerfully rung Fertility Plus and told them it was day one, the nurse on the end of the phone seemed like she couldn’t give less of a shit to be honest! She was basically a grumpy bitch that needed to either change careers or retire. Bloody hell was I discouraged after that phone call! I asked a couple of questions and each one was met with a sign and then the answer. I had my fingers crossed that she wasn’t going to be the one that inseminated me later on!
CD2 rolled around, which just happened to be DH’s birthday – Happy Birthday babe! You don’t get to have sex and then get to hear me complain about the fertility drugs making me feel weird! Poor guy; I made sure to make it up to him later on…
I’m not sure if this is the same for everyone but I had to take a drug called Clomiphene (known as Clomid) to help my body ovulate. I had to take it from day 2 to 6 of my cycle and oh boy! was that stuff horrible. It (apparently) didn’t matter when you took it so I took it as soon as I woke up, with breakfast. Worst. Decision. Ever. I had to suffer the rest of the day feeling nauseous and had some EPIC cramps happening in my lower region. After suffering through the second day I decided to switch it to taking at night so I could sleep through the pains and symptoms. This worked a treat – if you ever have to take Clomid then I definitely recommend taking it at night with dinner!
Fast forward to CD9 and I got to have my first blood test – yay for me 
I’m a total pussy when it comes to blood tests so I was NOT looking forward to it. There are only a select few places in Auckland you can go to for these blood tests and the closest one is about 20mins from me. You have to have the blood test before 9am and because I start work at 8am I had to leave home at 7am to get to the clinic, be seen and be back in time for work. Mission Achieved! That first blood test wasn’t so bad.. at least I had a nice old lady as my phlebotomist.
After that first blood test I had to head into the fertility clinic to have a scan. They did a vaginal scan to see how my follicles were developing. I had a big juicy one on the right hand size which measured 15mm and this is apparently good news. They explained that they would ring me each afternoon to let me know if they saw the LH surge in my bloods which would mean that I was about to ovulate and as soon as they see that surge, they would book me in the next day for the insemination.
The second blood test went much the same as the first but the third one was a right pain in the arse. Of course there are only two clinics open on a Saturday and the nearest one is in Mount Eden – again , I had to have to done before 9am so on my Saturday morning I was up with the sun and out the door to make sure I got there in time. I arrived before it opened because I am an idiot and didn’t read the opening times – they opened at 8am *insert face palm emoji here* I only had to wait about 5mins because there was only about 5 ladies there that early so that was a relief – I was home before my husband had even woken up (luck for some)
Sundays blood test was a bit harder than Saturdays – the only clinic in Auckland that was open was in Mount Wellington. Its fair distance from where we live to out there. I made my husband come with me this time – by this stage I was well and truly over being used as a pin cushion! So we got up at 7.30 and made our way to the clinic and holy crap was I glad we were relatively early – there was a cue of about 30 ladies already there. It was raining and so we were all huddled under the small amount of veranda that was there. One lady got her knickers in a twist about it and proceeded to tell everyone “we have formed a line out this way so best you get in it” now I’m no shrinking violet but I didn’t want to cause a scene because it was early in the morning on a freaking Sunday and I saw she was holding a yellow blood form so this was probably not her first blood test. For those of you that are not part of the in-crowd, a yellow form is a fertility form. In fact almost everyone there was holding a yellow blood form.
We were let inside not long after that and sure enough, it didn’t matter who put their form in the basket first, the names were called seemingly random. I could see the bold lady who mentioned the line getting more and more annoyed about how many people were going ahead of her, since she was the 5th lady in line outside. It made my husband and I have a giggle that’s for sure.
We didn’t have to wait long and soon enough my name was called. The blood draw went without a hitch which was typical since the hubby was with me!
CD13 was also ANZAC day, now I haven’t missed an ANZAC day since I can remember but I know I wasn’t going to make it to a dawn parade due to having to get my bloods done but I was holding out hope to make it to a 10am service. I was seriously sick of going to get my blood taken but I was feeling confident since the last couple had gone well so I decided I didn’t need no man to hold my hand and took off to the clinic along.
That was a HUGUE mistake!
Again, there was a mass of people outside the clinic waiting for it to open but I did notice the bold lady from the day before wasn’t there. I couldn’t help but think she was a ‘lucky bitch’ cause that must have meant the fertility clinic saw what they needed in her Sunday blood. Weird thought, I know!
My name finally got called at 8.45am- it was cutting it close! You know how I said I was full of confidence earlier in the morning when I left home? Yeah that disappeared after the guy sat me in the scary blood drawing chair, tourniquet my arm and just stabbed me with a needle. After a couple of expletives left my mouth he stopped. I asked him, politely to at least feel for a vein before he stabbed me and I also requested he use a butterfly needle. He did, but by this stage I was visibly upset (read: crying) and he was starting to get nervous. After his 4th attempt I told him he needed to go and get someone else. By this stage it was 8.55am. Another guy came into the room and when he saw how upset I was (I was crying like a little girl at this stage) he decided that the best way to get my blood was to take it the same way they take it from small children (great for the ego right!?) so he warmed my finger up by placing it on a glove full of hot water and then pricked it with something that resembled a torcher device but I was told it was the same device that diabetics use to prick their fingers. He then proceeded to drip feed my blood into a vial.
I felt like a fool. I was still really upset and the dick head that had used me as a pin cushion was still in the room, pacing. I told him he needed to leave before he made my mood worse – which I actually doubt was even possible! I left the clinic bang on 9am with my sunglasses on so none of the busybodies in the waiting room could see I was crying.
As soon as I got to the car I started to ball like a little baby, I rung my husband and he said he couldn’t understand anything I was saying because I was crying so hard. After a few words of encouragement he assured me he loves me and he would see me when I got home. After hanging up I started crying again so I called the one person who I knew would be able to decipher my sobs – my mummy.
Yeah yeah, I know, a grown ass woman calling her mummy. As predicted she was able t understand what I was assaying and her words of encouragement helped calm me down, sorry babe – I know you meant well but I just needed someone to indulge me for a bit. My mum reminded me why I was doing this – so I could have a tiny human of my own, and that I needed to keep my eye on the prize.
As I drove home I thought about how wonderful it would be to have a child of our own (hopefully soon) and that all these blood tests were going to be worth it in the end. That afternoon I got a phone call from a cheerful nurse who told me they saw a ‘nice surge in LH’ and that my husband needed to come in to give his sample at 8am the next morning and then I needed to come in at 10am for the insemination. I was so excited to not have to go through any more blood tests that week!
We decided that we would both go in at 8am then go grab some breakfast before returning to the clinic for the procedure. It’s a really weird feeling, sitting in a waiting room after your husbands name has been called. All the nurses know what he’s doing, you know what he’s doing, yet no one bats an eyelid. I just chilled out reading some magazine waiting for my husband to jizz in a jar- strange alright!
At 9.45 we were back at the clinic like the eager beavers we are, waiting for our nurse to come and get us for the procedure. We ended up getting a lovely nurse named Bernadette (if your with Fertility Plus, see if you can request her, she’s amazing). She explained how the procedure would go and answered all our questions.
If you have never experienced an IUI before, it feels a bit like a smear to be honest. It doesn’t hurt, just a bit uncomfortable. You get naked from the waist down and get on a bed with your legs on these weird holder things. The nurse lifts you up in the air so she can quite literally stare at your vagina and insert the syringe contraption. Its over in about 5min. As Bernadette was bringing the bed down and letting me settle she was telling us how it was encouraged that we go home a have sex. She told us that we should do it each day for the next couple of days to “add to the deposit”! My husband was looking mighty happy about her advice but once she left the room I told him he was going to be shit out of luck that day. I had just had a nurse all up in my business, the last thing I wanted was for him to try it on. Males, honestly!
Now we had the dreaded 2WW ahead of us. I was due to have a blood test on the 3rd of May to make sure my body had done what it was meant to and ovulated. I then had to have another test on the 10th May. This was going to be the all important pregnancy test.
We left the clinic full of high hopes and the next two weeks actually went by quite quick.
During my two weeks I analysed every symptom that popped up. I had seriously sensitive nipples – did that mean I was pregnant. Apparently not, its just a side effect from the Clomid. I started feeling nauseas around 5 days after the procedure – did that mean I was pregnant? I also go some super tick cervical mucus (yeah I know TMI. but seriously – I’m talking about fertility here, there is not such thing as TMI in this world!) A quick Google search told me I could be pregnant as this was a common sign.
I started to feel sort of hopeful until about 3 days before the blood test that would tell us if we were going to have a baby or not. All the symptoms disappeared. I didn’t feel sick anymore, my nipples didn’t hurt and I was as dry as the Sahara down there. Then Aunt Flow showed up the day before the blood test. I was guttered. Bernadette had told me that I needed to get a blood test no matter what, just to be sure. So the next morning off I went to lab tests for my blood test. We had been working nightshift so I left hubby to sleep in since he didn’t get home until about 1am.
That afternoon I got the official phone call telling me it was negative. I think I had already accepted that it was going to be so I didn’t cry. I did get angry when the nurse asked if I wanted to book in for another IUI. No I fucking well did not want to re-book! We had just gotten a negative test, did they not give a shit that we might need some time to process it all. I know they must deal with hundreds of these phone calls a week but for crying out loud, some of us are struggling here!
That night, I managed to convince hubby that we should have Burger Fuel for dinner so I could eat my feelings. I really am lucky to have someone that loves me and is there for me.
Although this IUI was a fail, we learnt a lot and I honestly think we are stronger as a couple coming out of this.
Because of my disastrous veins and the debacle of the blood draw on ANZAC day, we decided to take a bit of a break and reassess the situation the following month.
